Chapter 1 A hand on a guitar
　　Before I was born, my mum played music with four friends. There’s a photograph of them in our living room. Evie, Grace, Angela, Kate and my mum. They were the Sweet Pepper Band, and they played South American music. Mum played guitar.
　　 Mum had long dark hair. In the photograph she’s wearing a big hat, a red shirt and yellow trousers. She looks South American, but she’s not, she’s English. She’s smiling in the photograph. She looks beautiful. 
　　She’s beautiful now too. But these days her hair is short and the dark brown colour comes from a bottle. Mum doesn’t play her guitar very often any more. It sits in the corner of the living room waiting for Evie, Grace, Angela or Kate to visit. 
　　When I was a little girl, I liked to put my small hand on the front of Mum’s guitar while she played it. My hand moved a little because of the music. Mum said that was called vibration. She was happy that I could feel the vibration of her music when I put my hand on her guitar. And she wasn’t angry when one day I had blue paint on my hand and I put it on the guitar.
　　Mum liked me to feel the vibration of her music, you see. That’s because I can’t hear her music. My ears don’t work. I’m deaf. I was born like that. Sometimes I think that’s why Mum doesn’t play music very often, because she knows I can’t hear it. And now that I’m eighteen years old, my hands are too big to put them on the front of the guitar. 
　　I don’t know if Mum was sad to have a deaf baby. She tells me I was beautiful when I was born. I had lots of blonde hair and blue eyes that went brown like hers after a few months. But I don’t think Mum’s sad because she smiles all the time. 
　　Mum smiles more than anyone I know. She’s always happy, that’s one of the things everyone loves about her. The children at Busy Kids Day Nursery, where we both work, all love Mum. Busy Kids is Mum’s business. She started it five years ago. 
　　Mum’s really good with children. I remember when I was quite young – five or six years old – I was sad about something. I don’t remember what I was sad about, but I do remember what Mum said. We sat in a chair together with her face close to mine and she put her arms around me. We stayed like that for a while, and then she sat back so she could talk to me. Mum and I use our hands and fingers to talk to each other. It’s called signing. 
　　Anyway, Mum said that we can choose how to be in life – happy or sad. She said, ‘Life’s short, so choose to be happy.’ I try never to forget those words.
　　I try to be like my mum because I think she’s a wonderful person. I don’t know much about my father because he left after I was born. All I know is that he played music too, and that he’s French. He lives in Paris now. 
　　Mum and my father met when he was working in Norwich for a year. They fell in love and soon got married. Dad moved into the house where Mum and I live now. Norwich is a beautiful place, but it isn’t as big and exciting as Paris. I think my father got bored. Or perhaps he was sad when I was born deaf. Because that’s when he went away to live with his family in Paris. He never came back. 
　　Some of my friends don’t talk to their parents very much. My friend Suzanne sometimes tells her mother she’s with me when she’s really with her boyfriend. She does this because her mum worries about her all the time. She worries about where she is and who she’s with. But Mum and I are very close, and I couldn’t tell her something that wasn’t true. Anyway, she doesn’t worry the way Suzanne’s mum does, so I usually tell her everything.
　　But I didn’t tell her when I fell in love for the first time.
　　I don’t know why. Perhaps it was because it felt so strange; because I felt so strange. It was almost like being on a boat on an angry sea. Sometimes I was afraid of how I felt. 
　　And there was another problem. I didn’t know the name of the man I was in love with.
　　第1章 吉他上的小手
　　我出生之前，媽媽和四個(gè)朋友一起玩音樂(lè)。我家的客廳里有一張她們的合影：埃維、格雷斯、安吉拉、凱特和我媽媽。她們組成了甜椒樂(lè)隊(duì)，演奏南美風(fēng)格的音樂(lè)。我媽媽彈吉他。
　　媽媽那時(shí)留著黑色長(zhǎng)發(fā)。照片上的她頭戴一頂大帽子，身穿紅襯衫和黃褲子。她看上去像南美人，但她不是，她是英國(guó)人。照片中的她微笑著，看上去非常漂亮。
　　她現(xiàn)在也很漂亮。只是現(xiàn)在她留著短發(fā)，而且頭發(fā)上的深棕色是染上去的。媽媽不再經(jīng)常彈吉他了。那把吉他被擱在客廳的角落里，只有等埃維、格雷斯、安吉拉或凱特來(lái)訪(fǎng)時(shí)才會(huì)被重新彈起。
　　當(dāng)我還是個(gè)小女孩時(shí)，我喜歡在媽媽彈吉他的時(shí)候把小手放在吉他的面板上。我的手會(huì)因?yàn)橐魳?lè)而輕輕顫動(dòng)。媽媽說(shuō)那叫振動(dòng)。她很高興我把手放在她的吉他上時(shí)能感受到音樂(lè)的振動(dòng)，甚至有一天我把沾著藍(lán)色顏料的手放在她的吉他上她都沒(méi)有生氣。
　　瞧，媽媽喜歡我去感受她的音樂(lè)的振動(dòng)，那是因?yàn)槲衣?tīng)不到她彈奏的音樂(lè)。我的耳朵聽(tīng)不見(jiàn)。我是失聰?shù)�。我生下�?lái)就這樣。有時(shí)候我覺(jué)得媽媽就是因?yàn)檫@個(gè)而不經(jīng)常彈奏音樂(lè)了，因?yàn)樗�知道我�?tīng)不見(jiàn)�，F(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)十八歲了，手太大了，沒(méi)法再放在吉他的面板上了。
　　我不清楚媽媽是否會(huì)因?yàn)樯�了個(gè)失聰寶寶而難過(guò)。她告訴我，我出生時(shí)可漂亮了，有一頭濃密的金發(fā)和一雙藍(lán)眼睛，這雙藍(lán)眼睛幾個(gè)月后變成了棕色，和她的一樣。我覺(jué)得媽媽并不難過(guò)，因?yàn)樗�總是在笑�?br />　　媽媽比我認(rèn)識(shí)的任何人笑得都多。她總是很快樂(lè)，那也是大家都喜歡她的原因之一。我們倆都在“忙孩子托兒所”工作，那里的孩子都喜歡媽媽。“忙孩子”是媽媽的企業(yè)，是她五年前開(kāi)辦的。
　　媽媽真的很會(huì)跟孩子相處。我記得我很小的時(shí)候——五六歲大——因?yàn)槭裁词虑楹軅�心。我不記得是為了什么而難過(guò)，但我的確記得媽媽所說(shuō)的話(huà)。我們臉貼著臉坐在一把椅子上，她用胳膊摟著我。我們就那樣靜靜地待了一會(huì)兒，然后她又坐回去以便能和我說(shuō)話(huà)。我和媽媽用手和手指交流，也就是用手語(yǔ)。
　　總之，媽媽說(shuō)我們可以選擇如何生活——快樂(lè)或者傷心。她說(shuō)：“生命短暫，所以要選擇快快樂(lè)樂(lè)地過(guò)�！蔽冶M量永遠(yuǎn)都記得這些話(huà)。
　　我努力像媽媽一樣，因?yàn)槲艺J(rèn)為她是個(gè)很棒的人。關(guān)于爸爸我知道得不多，因?yàn)槲页錾�后他就離開(kāi)了。我只知道他也是玩音樂(lè)的，是法國(guó)人，現(xiàn)在住在巴黎。
　　媽媽遇到爸爸時(shí)，他要在諾里奇工作一年。他們墜入愛(ài)河，很快結(jié)了婚�；楹蟀职职徇M(jìn)了現(xiàn)在我和媽媽住的家里。諾里奇是個(gè)美麗的地方，但不像巴黎那樣是個(gè)繁華的大都市。我想爸爸是厭倦了這里的生活，也可能是因?yàn)槲姨焐�耳聾他很難過(guò)，因?yàn)樗�就是那時(shí)候離開(kāi)我們回了巴黎和他的家人一起生活的。他再?zèng)]回來(lái)過(guò)。
　　我的一些朋友不怎么和他們的父母交流。我的朋友蘇珊娜有時(shí)候告訴她媽媽她和我在一起，而實(shí)際上是和男朋友在一起。她這么做是因?yàn)樗龐寢尶偸菫樗龘?dān)心，擔(dān)心她在哪里，擔(dān)心她和誰(shuí)在一起。但是我媽媽和我很親密，我沒(méi)法對(duì)她撒謊。不管怎樣，她不像蘇珊娜的媽媽那樣整天擔(dān)心，所以我通常什么事都會(huì)告訴她。
　　但是生平第一次，我沒(méi)有告訴她我戀愛(ài)了。
　　我不知道是為什么，也許是因?yàn)檫@感覺(jué)很奇怪，也許是因?yàn)槲?感覺(jué)很奇怪。那感覺(jué)幾乎就像是上了一艘漂在波濤洶涌的大海上的小船。有時(shí)我害怕自己的這種感覺(jué)。
　　而且還有個(gè)問(wèn)題。我并不知道我愛(ài)上的那個(gè)人的名字。