WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE SHY?

Surveys reveal that more than 50 percent ofcollege students considerthemselves to be “currently shy”(Carducci &Zimbardo, 1995). Most of them say that shyness is an undesirable condition thathas negative personaland social consequences.Another group of students say thatthey are “situationally shy.” They feel “shy” in certain situations that are novel,awkward, or socially pressured, such as blind dates, singles bars, or being puton the spot to perform in public without preparation. Researchers investigatingshyness in adults were surprised to discover that it is the “not shy” personwho is the rare, unusual breed in the United States and in every other country surveyed(Zimbardo, 1991).

Shyness may be defined as an individual’s discomfort and/orinhibition in interpersonal situations that interferes with pursuing one’sinterpersonal or professional goals. Shyness can be the mild reticence andsocial awkwardness many people feel in new situations, but it can escalate intothe extreme of a totally inhibiting fear of people (we will discuss this socialphobia in Chapter 14). Many shy people are also introverted; they prefersolitary, nonsocial activities. Others are “shy extraverts,” publicly outgoingyet privately shy, preferring to engage in social activities, having the socialskills to do so effectively, yet doubting that others will really like orrespect them (Pilkonis & Zimbardo, 1979).

So why are some people shy and others are not? One explanation maybe nature. Research evidence suggests that about 10 percent of infants are“born shy” (Kagan, 1994). From birth, these children are unusually cautious andreserved when they interact with unfamiliar people or situations. Acomplementary explanation focuses on nurture. As children, some individuals areridiculed, laughed at, or singled out for public shame; others grow up infamilies that make “being

loved” contingent on competitive success inappearance and performance.

A third explanation focuses on culture. Shyness is highest in some Asiancountries, notably Japan and Taiwan, and lowest in Israel, among nine countriesstudied (Zimbardo, 1991). This difference is attributed in part to culturalemphases on shame for social failure and obedience to authority in these Asiancountries versus encouragement for taking risks and externalizing blame inIsrael (Pines & Zimbardo, 1978). A fourth explanation accounts, in part,for a recent rise in reported prevalence of shyness in the United States: Youngpeople are intensively involved with

electronic technology. Spending long hours,typically alone, watching TV, playing video games, surfing the Web, and doinge-mail is socially isolating and reduces daily face-to-face contact. Heavy useof the Internet has the potential to make people feel lonely, isolated, andshyer (Shaw & Black, 2008).

As shyness gets more extreme, it intrudes on ever more aspects of one’slife to minimize social pleasures and maximize social discomfort and isolation.There are some simple concepts and tactics we suggest for shy students to thinkabout and try out (Zimbardo, 1991):

Realize that you are not alone in yourshyness; every person you see is more like you than different from you in hisor her shyness.

Shyness can be modified, even when thereis a genetic component, but it takes dedication

and a resolve to change, as with anylong-standing habit you want to break.

Practice smiling and making eye contactwith most people you meet.

Talk up; speak in a loud, clear voice,especially when giving your name or asking for information.

Be the first to ask a question or make acomment in a new social situation. Be prepared with something interesting to sayand say it first; everyone appreciates an “ice breaker.”

Never put yourself down. Instead, thinkabout what you can do next time to gain the outcome you want.

Focus on making others feel comfortable, especiallysearching out those other shy people. Doing so lowers your self-consciousness.

If you are shy, we hope you will adopt these suggestions. Other studentswho have followed them have been released from the prison of shyness into a lifefilled with newfound liberties.